[4 Okt] Tes… Tes… Tes…

Kamis, 4 Oktober 2018, hari ke-12 setelah Glassy pergi.

Pagi ini ASI keluar saat aku sedang dipijat! Padahal pijatannya bukan di payudara. Aku abaikan tetesan itu. Nanti juga berhenti sendiri, pikirku.

Siang ini aku terbangun dari tidur siang karena bajuku terasa basah. Ternyata itu ASI-ku. ASI-ku terus menetes… tes… tes… tes…

Kucari bayiku. Aku tahu aku tidak akan menemukannya. Sedih rasanya, ternyata aku belum gila.

Aku pandangi obat penghenti ASI yang telah berhenti kuminum sejak beberapa hari lalu karena ASI sudah tidak keluar. Masih banyak, masih ada sisa untuk 13 hari. Apa harus diminum semuanya sampai habis baru ASI bisa berhenti permanen?

sisa untuk 13 hari

Ku googling nama obatnya. Ah, harus diminum terus ternyata. Walaupun efek sampingnya kok ngeri banget ya. Bisa mati!

harusnya selama 14 hari
efek samping kematian?

Tak apa-apalah kalau hanya mati. Aku teguk obatnya lagi mulai malam ini.

Maafkan Mama, Glassy. Mama sungguh berharap kelak bisa menyusuimu di sorga sana.

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